Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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