Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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