ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
