Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
