im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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