oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!