I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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