opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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