I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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