I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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