did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i drank out of a bidet.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
