Pappa wants mamma naked
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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