He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
