I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra