im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So squirting runs in the family.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
