Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
