she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
