she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
