I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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