and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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