He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
