Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
