What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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