wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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