You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
