You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
