her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
