I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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