hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
