I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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