You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
