so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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