Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My feet surprised me
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