i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
