So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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