Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How does one acquire holy water?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
