What a fucking waste of an outfit
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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