the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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