Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
