I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize