Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
