i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
