I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
