I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize