your parents love me but you hate me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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