You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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