His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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