my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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