Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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