the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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