She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
