I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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