i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
