sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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