just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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