i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
