these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
