Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize