Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
