I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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